Something I Saw

Peace I can’t find. I’m on the wrong track

I’m losing my mind, out of control. Is there no way back?

I feel sick in the soul and I’m about to crack.

I play hard and wish to party my problems away

And I pray no one notices my spirit’s decayed.

I’m only seeing dark and if this doesn’t pass

I’m gonna crash in the park and die on the grass.

There in the green I’d be relieved of the pain,

Not dangling in between, but totally insane.

To insanity it leads, this road I’m walking down

And with a spirit that bleeds, the body also drowns.

My addictions suck my lifeblood away in trade for a thrill.

And once I’m empty I’m back to the mud again, in I wade for a refill.

I can’t stand going through this over again and again.

You said You would help, will you do this?

Just tell me when, God, when?

Will I be happy if I put down my bitter knife that is my tongue?

…Let others into my life and stop wading in dung?

To protect myself I put up a wall

Between me and those who could have been my friends.

Now I haven’t any self-worth at all.

Shutting them out made me fall in the end.

To help other people I should have sought

But I locked myself in because I would not.

When I realized my error and discovered my fate

I saw a reason to live, but feared it too late.

Besides, I had nothing to give because I’m nothing great.

This lie in my mind overcame me with grief

And stole away my hope like some kind of thief.

It was either fight to be free or continue down this road

And finally jump off a tree from the strain of the load.

Fighting for anything was a painful thought,

But something had to give, like it or not.

It was in that moment that I remembered You

And that You’d promised to keep me and bring me though.

I didn’t really see how it would help

But I didn’t mind to try, as I’d tried everything else.

You amazed me. You did as You promised.

You made my life better and proved Yourself honest.

God please forgive me for thinking only of myself.

Help me think more of other and come out of my shell.

I never want to return to war with my mind

Or again have to learn it’s a living hell.

Choosing to forgive is choosing peace of mind.

I must continue to live and leave the past behind.

I may be simple, but I’m happy as I am.

Because I strive for better and give what I can.

In thinking of others, I forget about me.

In looking to You, I see accurately.

I’m finally free to live and to breathe

Because you have taught me that when I give I receive.