If Anonymous Told You To Jump Off A Bridge...

The reason I write I blog is so that my close friends and family can keep up to date on how I am doing without me having to call them write them all individual emails. I know they look at my posts from time to time, and some of them comment.

Anonymous comments sometimes too. Sometimes Anonymous is really just Lazy, and has a fine thing to say but can't be bothered letting me know who is saying it. But there are also times when someone wants to say something really mean, cutting, insulting or rude, usually something they would never say to anyone in person. But they think it's alright to say on the Internet, as Anonymous. Sometimes I have an idea of who these Anonymouses are, and sometimes I don't.

But I know what kind of person they are letting themself become by saying such things.

Thankfully, I don't care what people think of me as much as I used to. Before, feeling ugly and looking ugly were a part of my everyday life and feeling like I had nothing offer was so normal to me I hardly knew the difference; when someone told me something mean, I just believed it, but not anymore.

Now, normally I delete their comments and go on with my day without thinking about it. Dwelling on the negative is not someone I like doing a lot, because it's almost always unproductive.

But I do think what these people do is wrong.

Anonymous told me to jump off a bridge. (Don't laugh, someone actually said that.)

Someone write me on Hi5 saying, "u have serious issues...i would go to rehab or mental institution to get help if i were u."

Another person said I am too unattractive to deserve a good sexual performance.

Somebody also said, "u r such a piece of shit i wonder wut keeps u goin hahahahaha".

People you know who you are.

I sometimes wonder what kind of satisfaction it brings them to say these kinds of things. I know I am not the only person who has to hear them.

As far as being unattractive, well, I think I am just average, and sometimes I wish I looked better. But then again, there are a lot of average people out there, and I doubt that I am the only girl in the world who sometimes wishes she was more attractive. But I also know that there is more to life than the physical appearance, and while you can change your looks that much, everyone can be a good person.

Nobody is a piece of shit and everyone has something to offer people. Even these people I am talking about.

But really, words have an effect on people, and I know that I have said my share on mean/rude/terrible things. At the time they sometimes seemed funny, but after going through things in my own life, and being on the receiving end of a bit of bullshit, I regret that I said them. Gossiping never made me better than the person I was gossiping about, and in hindsight making someone else feel like shit never made me feel better.

Losing someone close to you teaches you the value of life, and that it's better not to waste it tearing other people down, and it's better not to assume that you are of no value. You don't know how much you mean to the people that love you.

It's one thing to say something you regret by mistake, and no one is perfect, but I think deep inside, even these Anonymouses know what they are doing is wrong, and they might be damaging their own self esteem more than anyone else's.

Nowadays I try not to say anything that I don't mean. I don't believe my life has been neccessarily harder than anyone else's, but it's not easy. People are insecure enough without me adding to it. People go through enough in their lives without me dragging them through the mud. I am never going to know what somebody else is going through, but I don't want to make it any worse. If anything, I want to make it better.

I don't hate any of these people. One of them even used to be my friend. But I do hate what they are doing, and I hate what it can do to the people they say them to. And I hate that I have been guilty of it too. I just want it to stop.